Finding My Center

This is blog post two out of three today. My fingers are sick of typing, but I have a moment I’d like to share before it disappears into my cluttered, tired, void of a brain. Seriously, I’m waiting for it to at least get dark so I can go to bed. I am thrilled with the return of spring, but the extended sunlight makes me feel a lot more guilty about tucking in at oh, you know, 7 p.m.

I went to work today, a Tuesday, which I always look forward to. I know that my favorite ladies will be there bright and early with a celebration in tow. They might be the only force that can negate the fact that I woke up at 4:30 a.m. Stephanie came in first today, and I made her a latte as per usual. She offered me a glimpse into her classroom; a boy she teaches has a syndrome where he sometimes has bursts of being unable to control his limbs. She’s afraid of how this will effect his education, especially of the possibility that he is taken out of school. She finished up her story by mentioning how utterly compassionate his classmates were. They don’t draw attention to him, they don’t mock him. And to think, just moments before, I thought all children were the spawn of Satan.

I finally finished up opening shop and leaned over the counter near the fire where she sat. She was still waiting on her crew to show up, so we got to chatting a little. She told me about the book of gospels she was reading. She bought me a book for my birthday which is of a religious tone – I haven’t read it yet, but I’d like to. My point is that I don’t believe we need to share a belief system to discuss things on a spiritual level. She has made this obvious to me. I know for a fact that her gift will serve a purpose in my life one day. Anyhoo, she mentioned that the right books always seem to find her. She explained how precious this time is for her in the early morning because it sets the tone for her day. I agreed, without mentioning that she’s the one who sets the tone for my day half the week.

It’s not always easy to carve out that space in your day – especially in the morning – but it is worth it. We all have a little time to spare.

There is no way to avoid frustration, stress, having to do things we don’t want to do, running out of time, complete and utter disaster. There is a way to deal with those things. Finding a moment of the day, by the minute or by the hour, can truly make a difference. My day has been nothing but work and commute. I opened up the coffee shop and stayed until noon. I drove home to make lunch, check e-mails, and pack for the next couple of days. I drove straight to John’s where I dog-sit. We went on a walk. I wrote a blog post about apple crisps and the phrase is now foreign to me. I made the dog and I dinner. I am writing this before I head out for another walk. I might muster up the energy to download some new music, but I will be in bed by 9 p.m. at the latest. Tomorrow will be a repeat of today with a workout in the mix. Starting my day with that interaction set the foundation. Despite my crazy schedule and all the deadlines,Β I’ve sought out moments of clarity that delivered when I needed a boost to keep me going.

Stephanie told me that she could tell I was centered. I didn’t quite accept her compliment until I realized that it might be true. I think that a lot of people with my workload would have an entirely different experience. I tell someone I have three jobs and they’re shocked. I only have three jobs because it’s manageable. All of them offer me something that the other doesn’t, and I’m having fun while doing them. I have a social life, time to work out, time to do absolutely nothing, and I get eight hours of sleep a night. The bills are paid, my heart is happy. I have found an identity in my work, that’s true. But the time in which I am able to meditate on what is really important to me is what defines who I am. I think that most people could say that if they knew who that person was – and I’d highly recommend seeking that out. My center lets me take on real life without being angry or panicked. My center is the person I am at the end of the day. I will never let the inevitable stress and uncertainty of real life become me. That is the most comforting thing I can imagine.

I am grateful to have this focus today. I have 9 days without disordered eating which is a small feat, but it’s a streak I don’t want to end. There is so much to feel happy about today, namely the much-needed massage appointment scheduled for Thursday morning. Heavy swings and loaded front squats have this funny way of sneaking up on every single move you make the next day. Ouch. I encourage you togo find some overwhelmingly positive and kind soul to have these kind of talks with before the sun rises. It will totally change your life.

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Published by

Alex

22 in Pittsburgh. Marketing is my jam. I coach people to live healthier lives. I film a lot of cooking. I walk dogs on the side. I blog a lot for other people. I like swinging kettlebells, cooking food, wearing pretty dresses, and going to shows. I write about eating disorder recovery and mental health. I mostly ramble about my own feelings. If you'd like to reach me outside of Facebook or Instagram, my e-mail is alex.barone012@gmail.com Please don't hesitate to contact me about whatever is on your mind! I write because I want others to share their stories - with me or the world.

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